people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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