Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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