Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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