Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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