you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
