At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Randomize
