pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
