You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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