sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
