New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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