3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
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