around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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