wat bout pragnant strippers??
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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