I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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