____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
