I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
