Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
