Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Randomize
