she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
