he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
