More tranny stories later!
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
