He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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