then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
