This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
