You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
