One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
