By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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