Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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