You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
