I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I intend to get homeless drunk
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
