WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
