We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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