Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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