3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize