based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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