Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
