You're completely useless in the revolution.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
