I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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