You're completely useless in the revolution.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
