Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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