I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
