also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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