Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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