I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
