I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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