If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
