Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
