You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
