he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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