She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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