forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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