Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
