Just fell off a train. Bad.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
