I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
third nipple confirmed
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
