I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
