My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
