So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
