just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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