Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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