New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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