every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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