I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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