Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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