i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
