is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
