You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
