ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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