So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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