It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
