I'm so fucking centered right now
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
